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Twins (Identity Issues)
I am an identical twin, and needless to say, I have been a twin my entire life. My identical twin brother, Ted,
lives in New York. I am a licensed Marriage and family therapist, and he is a history teacher.
Growing up, the two of us were inseparable. We looked alike, and so people had a very hard time telling us apart.
We were best friends, and did nearly everything together. We shared the same friends, went to the same schools,
and dressed in the same clothes…
Having an identical twin brother was the greatest gift I ever had. I treasured Ted, admired him, and wanted to
spend all of my time with him. Each year, when our birthdays rolled around, I would climb up the stairs to my bedroom
and sit all by myself in front of my bedroom mirror and cry tears of gratitude and joy, and thank god for giving
me Ted, my best friend…I felt so blessed to have Teddy in my life…. And yet what I didn’t know then was that this
very blessing was also a curse…
Many twins, including myself, become inextricably intertwined with their “other half.” Neither twin develops his
or her own identity. Instead, their identity becomes fused together, and a blurring of boundaries occurs…the two
become totally enmeshed, and codependent. Neither has his or her own voice.
Rather than encourage each twin to individuate and claim his or her own identity, the significant people in their
lives often encourage their enmeshment. They think the fusion of identities that goes on between twins is cute,
even adorable….
I have worked tirelessly over the years to individuate from my twin brother, and finally to claim my own identity.
And I have finally arrived. While Ted and I are still close, we are also carrying on with our own lives, as separate,
unique, and whole individuals. As a marriage and family therapist, and as an identical twin, I have the experience
and knowledge to help twins preserve their wonderful bond, while also creating their own unmistakable identity.
Read my detailed presentation on Adolescent Anger >
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